Making a Change
I used to watch hours of TV a night. From the moment I walked in from work, until I went to bed, the TV didn’t turn off. I spent 10 years largely not reading, just getting sucked into my phone and watching different series and sports. When I started grad school in my late 30s, the only time to study was at night after putting the kids to bed. Because I was forced to read and turn off the TV, my desires completely shifted. In the last three years, I have watched one TV series with my wife, a handful of movies, and an occasional sport. But otherwise, the TV stays off in our house.
My wife and I made the same decision with the kids. When we bought our van, our first task was to order a TV for the back seats. It was a requirement! How can kids not be entertained while we drive? Over time, we started seeing addictive traits in the kids, and collectively made the decision to turn it off. At first it was a fight every time. Then it became occasional. Now, our kids never ask to turn it on. Don’t get me wrong, if the TV was playing they would watch it, but they have also learned to deal with boredom other ways: reading, drawing, crochet, etc.
The problem is the initial fight. When parents are unwilling to have the initial fight to change, or unwilling to see it through to the end, they will be unable to unlock the infinite outcomes for their kids’ lives. And it will be a fight. If kids are addicted to screens, it will be screaming, yelling, throwing themselves on the floor. It will be embarrassing. It will be exhausting. It takes time. But, if your child acts like a hard-core drug user when their device is taken away, this should be a clue that something is wrong.
Infinite Outcomes
Every decision we make branches into two paths. Yes or no. Right or wrong. Others or self. We are literally an infinite number of regressions from where we started. This is why two siblings can begin at the same place and end up in two completely different lives.
There is a weight to this, knowing that each decision affects the next. As we start our lives, we have those infinite number of outcomes, but each decision removes some of those outcomes. Maybe we choose to befriend one person over another and that leads us to the athlete group instead of the skater group. Or maybe we choose to attend one school over another, and that removes another large chunk of outcomes. This is overwhelming for a lot of people. Decision fatigue and the weight of commitment are very real and exhausting. But decisions have to be made, even when the outcomes are unsure.
The problem is, when we don’t have an end goal, there is no guide to making each decision.
The point is…TV is addicting. Phones are addicting. Social media is addicting. If you don’t have a goal, something that you can hold on to, then you will likely fall off the path and wake up 10 years later wondering where it all went.
As parents, we have to understand that our kids don’t have the ability to make these decisions for themselves. That’s why they have us. The key is, every time you say yes to something, you say no to something else. What is your better yes?
