What can we do?
By Jon Farley
There was an internet commercial a few months ago that showed kids playing online video games on a console and a tablet. It ended with a baby in a crib and said something like “with all of this technology, imagine what you’ll be when you grow up.” I honestly think that a lot of parents see these commercials and feel that if all of the world’s knowledge is online, and our kids have access to it, then they are going to have unlimited potential in their lives. While the world’s knowledge IS online, and we DO have access to it, most of us internet-loving patrons are spending our time playing Candy Crush and tapping Instagram. Not exactly the ideal that is portrayed.
One of our local schools requires iPads for their classes, but they are not restricted in any way. So yes, the child can be looking at the double-helix structure of the 3.6 billion character DNA molecule, or they can be watching YouTube videos…or worse. Most kids are not going to have the focus required to do school work when they have, quite literally, unlimited entertainment at their fingertips.
The thought of having a device close to hand creates a world of distraction, even with adults. How many adults have felt phantom buzzes in their pockets or get fidgety after 15 mins away from their phone? But again, in the schools, where children are supposed to be able to concentrate and learn, we are adding the greatest distraction the world has ever known, and holding parents accountable when their kids cannot self-regulate.
What can be done?
Most parents feel completely overwhelmed at the thought of raising kids outside of current cultural norms. We are afraid that our kids may be ‘weird’ or ‘socially outcast.’ Let’s be honest, most parents will give almost anything for their kids to fit in, but that doesn’t mean we have to throw our hands in the air and hope for the best. So what can we do?
Have a ‘house phone’. One potential solution for phones is to have a house phone, like many of us remember from our childhoods. By this, I mean a child-safe smart phone, such as Gabb, Bark, or Light. This phone should have no social media or web browser, but still allow texting and calls. I also recommend setting up the phone so that the child cannot delete any data, this way parents can see things that the child may want to hide. This phone should stay in a common family room, such as the kitchen, and never go to the Child’s room! But, with the house phone, kids can call and text from a common space (as much as you are comfortable with), and take it with them to sports or events. As soon as they return, the phone goes right back to the family space. When it is thought of as the family’s house phone, kids will be much less likely to view it as their own, especially with the fear of the rest of the family seeing texts and call logs.
Protect your kid’s sleep. Sleep deprivation has been repeatedly linked to depression and anxiety across all ages. Kids need to be able to unplug from their social world (even calls and texts) and get good sleep. Most experts recommend all people, regardless of age, set their phone aside at 8pm and put it on a changer outside of their room. If your phone is your alarm clock, then buy an alarm clock. Kids should never have a screen in their room at night time! Protect your kids sleep, because they likely can’t do it on their own.
Keep your kids off social media. The idea that TikTok or Instagram gets to raise our kids is about as far away from a traditional parent-child relationship as we can get. Research has shown that the within 3 hours of starting a TikTok account, young girls are fed their first self-harm (cutting / suicidal thoughts) video, and the #1 targeted demographic for pedophiles on the internet is 13yr old girls. Social media is not a neutral place for kids. Kids are targeted from the very beginning. Protect your kid’s minds.
Kids are God’s greatest gift to you. Yes raising them is difficult, yes its not always what you want to do, but this isn’t about you. This is about them. Give them your attention and interaction. This is how the parent-child relationship was always designed to be. The thought that we can stick kids in front of a screen from 2 years old and have a normal human development is tragic, but unfortunately that’s where we are. You might be shocked how things change when you both put your phones down.
